THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET COMPLICATED

The events that happened next were confusing and frustrating. I’m not sure I can write about these weeks and make any sense. However, I’m going to try my best. As life always can be things were pretty crazy the weekend she was coming back home. Caitie is the oldest of my three daughters,( I haven’t mentioned her by name yet in these posts, not sure really why?) our middle daughter was 17 at this time and in her first semester of her senior year of high school. The youngest was 13 and in the 8th grade. So they were both in milestone school years, one finishing high school, one finishing middle school. My brother lives close to us and he has two boys who are close in age to my girls. His oldest son was also 17 and in his senior year of high school. The Friday Caitie was coming home was a very busy day. Her appointment with Dr. Tom was at 2:00, I told the doctor I wouldn’t be there, so she would feel free to talk to him. She is 19 so medically she doesn’t have to tell me anything anymore. I got off work at 2:30, picked the youngest up from school at 3:00 and had to get over to a cross country meet by 4:00 to see my nephew’s last cross country meet of the season. It was his last chance to qualify for state so it was important! I got home with the youngest to drop her off and change before the meet. She also had a guitar concert that night at 6:00 so she wanted to practice and change before her concert. Also, earlier in the week her dad checked on Caitie’s grades for her good student discount on her car insurance. Caitie had signed paperwork that gave us permission to look at her grades. She had never had anything to hide but it was convenient to be able to look whenever we wanted. Her dad called me shocked, Caitie had two F’s! Two! She was failing two classes! She had never had an F in her life! Could that be a mistake? We would need to ask her about that.
Caitie came home, we greeted her and were happy to see her, after a bit I asked about the doctor appointment. “Well….” She said, “he doesn’t think it’s my thyroid.” I looked at her worried, she then said, “he is going to call you. I gave him permission to call you.” I really didn’t have time to discuss it because I was already running late for the meet. Okay! and as I was going out the door to drive to the meet he called.
So now the truth comes out. Basically Dr. Tom tells me that our daughter was very honest and forthcoming. She admitted to obsessive calorie counting, and extreme food restriction. She is a classic case of Anorexia he says. It’s the things he said next that got me scared. “If I were you,” he said, “I would not let her go back to school on Monday. She needs to get into treatment right away.” He told me that her heart rate was very slow, dangerously slow, and that just light movement was causing it to jump in rate drastically. He said she admitted to getting light headed when she stands up and having low energy. He said it would account for her bad grades too, he said her brain didn’t have enough calories to think straight. He said she probably shouldn’t be driving. And shouldn’t be left alone. I felt so confused, she just drove herself 3 and ½ hours to get to that doctor appointment! She is still going to the gym every day! I’m sure she is tired! She was just standing in front of me and she seems just fine. Take her out of school? Can he be serious? She will lose her scholarship, she is half way through the semester. He said he needed her to get blood work done so he could evaluate further her condition and we should talk more on Monday after we had talked to her about it over the weekend. My head was spinning, I wanted to cry but I had a cross country meet to watch. So I got out and yelled for my nephew, running from one end of the track to the other. My sister in law by my side showing me where to go. After it was over I told her what the doctor said, that Caitie has Anorexia, she looked worried but also didn’t know what to say. It will be okay she assured me, we will help you figure it out. I hugged my nephew and hurried home to get ready for the guitar recital! When I got home we only briefly talked about it, my husband wasn’t home yet, her sisters were there, we had somewhere else to go! We hurried to get ready, my husband came home I told him what Dr.Tom said hushed in our room. We all hurried off to the recital. We didn’t have time to eat dinner. As we sat waiting for our daughters turn to play her piece I just kept running the words over and over in my head. It’s a classic case of Anorexia. What does that mean? Of course I had heard of the disorder but what did I really know about it? All this time I think I truly believed there is not such thing as too skinny, I was wrong.
The weekend was a blur, my husband and I talked privately to Caitie about the appointment, she told us a lot of things that we didn’t know about how little she was eating, but she didn’t tell us everything. She didn’t want anyone else to know, not even her sisters. She definitely did not want to leave school. I’m really not sure how but we agreed she would be okay to return to school. She would need to get the bloodwork done and she promised to see a school counselor. It’s a college, I’m sure the counselor’s see cases like this all the time, right? It seemed like a good plan, it made sense at the time. The next weekend my middle daughter went to visit her at school. They had a nice weekend together. She made an appointment with a counselor at school. I wanted to talk with the counselor as well, but she was not willing to talk with me even though Caitie gave her permission. Over these couple weeks my husband and I are doing more research and what we are learning is frightening. I called the eating disorder treatment center in our town. When I told them about my daughter they said they wanted to see her right away. I told them she was at college and made an appointment for her to see them over her Thanksgiving break. I called our doctor and he was frustrated with us for not following his directions. Also, Caitie had not gone for her bloodwork! When I asked her why she said, “do I still need to do that? We know what’s wrong with me, I’m anorexic.” Okay…. Yes sweetie, you still need to do the bloodwork, we need to know what this anorexia is doing to your body? She hates having her blood drawn, so she didn’t want to do it. Her sorority was having a parents day that weekend so I agreed to come into town early and take her to get the bloodwork.
The days were a blur, we were trying to get information wherever we could, but she didn’t want anyone to know so we were also trying to keep it secret. I am not very good at secrets, especially when I’m trying to cope with something troubling. So, unsurprisingly, I blabbed the problem to a mom friend who happened to know a nutritionist at the eating disorder center in our town. She gave me her number and I called her and left a message. She didn’t call back. A couple days later I was driving to Portales to see Caitie, and my friend texted and asked if I had spoken to her friend the nutritionist? When I told her she hadn’t returned my call I think she must have called her because about ½ an hour later she called me. I told her my story. I told her how much weight she had lost, her hair falling out, the extreme exercise and the miniscule amounts of calorie intake. I told her about what Dr. Tom said, her slow heart rate and needing to get lab work. She was very honest and very real with me. She said, “I have been working in this business for over 10 years and if I was you, if she was my child, I would drive her home with you this weekend. She is at high risk of having a heart attack at any moment. Don’t wait, take her home and get her help now. If you don’t and her heart stops, how important will her scholarship be then?” I cried the rest of the way to her school. I couldn’t get in touch with my daughter, she wouldn’t answer her phone. I was picturing her dead in her bed, having had a heart attack and none of her roommates knew to check on her. Finally, when I was just minutes away from her house, convinced I was going to go inside and find my daughter dead, she called me. “Sorry mom she said, I over slept.” I tried to act casual, but I have never been more happy to hear her voice in all my life.